Sexy Werewolf

Sexy Werewolf

Another song of mine, “Kids These Days,” is about an old-fashioned vampire lamenting the changing times. Do the werewolves take the same approach? Let us see…


Sexy Werewolf

In days of old, people told stories of those
Who got caught in the snare of the wood.
They strayed from the path, and their families knew
That they had vanished for good,
For we lurked in the trees, and we stalked them
As we howled our names through the night.
We were monsters, and everyone feared our sharp claws
And our foul transformative bite.

But that’s all pretty old-fashioned.
Those traditions were not going to last.
I’m happy to say we’ve evolved over time
And rejected the primitive past.
Please stop calling us monsters;
That label is not really fair.
The werewolves have come to the twenty-first century,
Wind in our copious hair.

I’m your sexy werewolf.
I should fill you with joy,
For I’m primal terror and visceral fear
In the form of a really cute boy.
You shudder whenever you see me,
Though let’s call that shudder a “thrill.”
I really like you, so we should go out,
And I probably won’t even kill…you.
I have other people to kill.

I remember I used to like hunting down men
By the brilliant light of the full moon.
Now I am learning to flex my bare abs
As I speak of my longing to spoon.
And sometimes I’m noble and tortured,
And sometimes I’m jealous and cruel,
But always I’m half-naked and smoking hot,
Plus inexplicably cool.

I’m your sexy werewolf.
Hear me snarl in the dark.
Then I’ll turn in slow motion while pouting a bit
And make out with you in the park.
I am raw terror and hunger.
I live to hunt and pursue.
So let’s get a burger and talk about us,
And I’ll buy a milkshake for you…for you.
A nice chocolate milkshake for you.

The humans seem ready for werewolves.
They like the fact that we’re not tame.
If only the vampires weren’t horning in
And making a mess of the game.
They think that because they’re all tragic
The ladies will think they’re all that.
Well, listen up, Vlad: I’m a freaking huge wolf,
And you can turn into a bat.

I’m your sexy werewolf.
I’ll just lie here and pant,
And maybe I’ll curl up and lick my own butt
As a vampire can’t.
You say, “But he’s immortal,”
And I’m just a bit hurt,
But forget all that, join me, and run with the wolves,
And I promise I’ll take off my shirt…for you.
I’m happy to take off my shirt.

I’m your sexy werewolf.
I could make you one too.
We’d sprout hair in anguish and live a cursed life,
But we’d do it together, so…woo!
We’d know our own bodies as torture
And long for our pain to be done,
Then tear off our clothes in the flattering moonlight
And do teenage drama for fun…again.
We’d do teenage drama for fun…again.
We’d do teenage drama for fun.


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